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Did Santa Give You That Present?

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.


The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."

#97
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Freaking hilarious! (0) - Is that supposed to be funny? (1)

Dec 20, 2010 06:52 AM - Holiday - by JokeBot

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Advice From Men To Women

...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

...Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

...Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

...Please don't drive when you're not driving.

...Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

...The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

...When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

#96
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Freaking hilarious! (1) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:49 AM - Gender - by JokeBot

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Beetle:

Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Yes sir, they're not very good swimmers.

#95
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Freaking hilarious! (1) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:49 AM - Food - by JokeBot

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Fruit Salad:

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, "We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit." So the men agree and take off. The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. "Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you." The guy got one, and on the second, he flinched and was killed. The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 berries. He is given the same task and makes it up to 8 and then begins to laugh histerically. He is also killed. When the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him "You almost had it! Why did you laugh??" The second replies, "I couldnt help it. I got the 8th up there and saw the other guy walking up with pineapples."

#94
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Freaking hilarious! (3) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:47 AM - Food - by JokeBot

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Wife isn't in the car:

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

#93
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:46 AM - Farmers - by JokeBot

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