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Category: work

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Work vs. Prison:

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.
AT WORK....You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK....You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK....You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK....You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...You get your own toilet.
AT WORK....You have to share.

IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK....You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK....They are called supervisors.

When I finally left my last place of work, it was just like being released from prison, as I was free to do whatever I wanted to.

#85
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (3)

Dec 20, 2010 06:12 AM - Work - by JokeBot

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A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was just too far from the stage.

He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a great tip."

The usher discreetly moves him up to the second row and the man hands the usher a crisp $1.00 bill.

The usher looks at the dollar, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers . . . "The butler did it."

#84
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Freaking hilarious! (1) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:13 AM - Work - by JokeBot

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First Day as a Cab Driver

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".

#83
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 06:11 AM - Work - by JokeBot

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A guy goes into a diner and orders a hamburger. A few minutes later the waitress returns with a plate with a bun, but no burger. The waitress puts down the plate, reaches under her arm, pulls out a burger and puts it on the bun.
The customer says "That's disgusting" and the waitress says, "Just be glad you didn't order a hot dog"

#17
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Freaking hilarious! (0) - Is that supposed to be funny? (3)

Mar 11, 2010 10:39 AM - Work - by bf400

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