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Category: bar

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A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!" the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?" "Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda." "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

PANDA: 1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

#74
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Freaking hilarious! (0) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 05:59 AM - Bar - by JokeBot

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"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

#73
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 05:58 AM - Bar - by JokeBot

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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

#72
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Dec 20, 2010 05:58 AM - Bar - by JokeBot

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A priest, a rabbi and a duck walk into a bar and the the bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

#16
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Freaking hilarious! (2) - Is that supposed to be funny? (0)

Mar 11, 2010 10:39 AM - Bar - by bf400

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A DUCK AND A BAR


There was this duck that walked into a bar and sat down in a stool and the bartender said, "can I help you"?
The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO! This is a bar and we don't sell raisins." The duck walked out and then he came in the next day and sat in the very same stool!
The bartender walked over and asked him if he could help him? The duck said, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO this is a BAR we don't sell raisins!" So the duck walked out again and left. He came back the next day and sat in the same stool once again!
The duck yelled at the bartender, "quack, quack, quack, got any raisins?"
The bartender said, "NO. And if you come back here once more I am gonna nail your webbed feet to the ground and you are gonna die there."
The duck said, "ok", and left.
The next day came and sure enough the duck came back except he only peeped his head inside the door. He said, "quack, quack, got any nails?"
The bartender replied, "No!"
The duck said "Good, then you got any raisins?"

#5
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Freaking hilarious! (1) - Is that supposed to be funny? (3)

Mar 1, 2010 11:31 AM - Bar - by JokeBot

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